The Bleeding Eyes of My Dead Soul

I will surpass general rules to come right away to the particulars.
I was by no means surprised by the total indifference on the part of the numerous leaders of the Rusin organizations towards my personality, when in January 2000 I was bedridden by heart attack, the man whose image has been created as a literary-scandals author and a hard-core political opposition man, even the most famous and widespread and much spoken actions of my Rusin books, newspapers, calendars – that were prohibited by the then President of Ukraine – L. Kuchma didn’t work. Even though I have been awarded the international Alexander Dukhnovich prize and a series of foreign premiums - made no impact.
I quite understand everything, envy of some, timidity and fright of others that there may appear another political rival, and still in many others, - indifference…
In spite of this, in the autumn of 2000, I was not only surprised, even not impressed or shocked, - but also - lutely ruined by the relationship of those bosses of the Rusin organizations towards my new personal tragedy – my wife was set the diagnosis to be ill with breast cancer. The ailment had been neglected … an immediate treatment was urgent. In order to cure such an ailment – a lot of money is needed…
In one of the autumn months of 2000 the current meeting of the Rusin organization was to be held in Prashov with delegations from Europe, Canada and the US.
Exactly at that meeting Magocsi made an official announcement to the effect that the Rusin organizations of diaspora from America, Canada and Western European countries have raised two and a half million $ US to support the Rusin movement and that he, Magocsi , will be personally in charge of the money.
Cornered by my personal sorrow, the illness of own wife,- I came up to the chief sponsor of all International Rusin actions, billionaire Steven Schepa and in the presence of academician Paul Robert Magocsi told of my medical and financial problems…
It seemed to me that having favourable attitude to Rusin organizations the Canadian billionaire would immediately… in a word it turned out a misunderstanding…
The billionaire’s harsh and cold as ice words poured onto me…
- “When ill with cancer one shouldn’t spend a farthing, even though this may be the closest person, death is unavoidable. I had been in the same shoes… my second wife was ill with cancer. I didn’t spend a cent on her recovery. She understood men. I waited a year or so-right after her death I married the third time. And I am living a happy life with her. So, you Ivan don’t be too much sad. The main thing is – do not spend money for her vain treatment, you’ll need the money later…”
There were three of us: billionaire Steven Schepa, academic Paul Robert Magocsi and me…. We asked for coffee in the Dukhnovitch theater cafe.
Having finished his “speech” in abdominal Rusin language the billionaire Steven Schepa drank his coffee, like an American would, patted me on the shoulder – Magocsi followed suit… and away they went…
I couldn’t finish my coffee; I felt a choke in the throat… calling the waiter I paid the bill, and for a long time sat there in amazement and silence at the table we had so wonderfully passed the time, - the table from whose unfathomable depths there looked at me the bleeding eyes of my dead soul.
P.S. This 16 September my wife Valentina might have been 56 since the day of her birth.
Though the ailment was a harsh one, it might have been treated - there was no money… The sum I had – I spent… But I needed more money… and nobody helped!!! Nobody helped.

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